Amsterdam

Amsterdam by Guster

Editor's Note: Yesterday was my birthday, and for reasons I can't tell you, I like to feel sorry for myself on my birthday. It's the one day of the year were I really just let my guard down, don't try to inspire myself with cliche quotes, and allow myself to feel like shit. This requires much reflection at the same time... so in the process of evaluating the last year of my life and figuring out what I was doing five, four, three, two, and one year ago to the day... I thought, I should honor those who have played an important role in my life/birthday in the last five years. So five posts, a song from the year I'm writing about, starting with turning 22 in 2003.


2003—22nd Birthday: The weird thing about 22 is that it's the first birthday that doesn't matter—no one cares. It's the first adult birthday. "Twenty-two? That's cool," is the response everyone gives and then moves on with life.

My 22nd was no different. But on top of it, the presents sent by my mother hadn't reached me yet—D.C. mail still sucked in the post 9/11 world. So not only did no one care it was my birthday, I also had no gifts.

So there I was, in D.C. with few true friends, present-less, and on top of I had to move across the hall to a new dorm (an uninteresting boring story). At one point, I came up to the hall only to find three people moving all my stuff from my old room to my new room. The entire situation was demoralizing for some reason—I couldn't wait for the next day.

But somewhere in this mix EBS saved the day. My first love, she found gifts for me that were perfect and meaningful and made it a birthday worth remembering. I don't remember where we ate that night, I don't even remember what we did. But I do remember her having three or four gifts for me: a picture album, Band of Brothers, and some other cute presents that she put her heart and soul into. I remember, after opening them, putting my arm around EBS, giving her a kiss, and hugging her and thanking her for being so wonderful. It was one of the first times in my life where I felt true love from someone who wasn't a family member. It was an overwheling feeling, it is a emotion that can be so overwhelming that it hurts sometimes to actually feeling. It feels wonderful, but it also exposes those times when we didn't return the love that we are being showered.

EBS knew that my family's presents hadn't reached me. By that time she knew my anxiety and neurocies—and she did all that she could to prevent them from getting the better of me on such a vanurable day. It was true, unflicable, selfless love.

I thank you EBS. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. I hope that I—at least once—made you feel the same love and did the same for you.