Your New Man by Mason Jennings
There is bad news, there is sad news, and then there is finding out that the girl you just broke up with is now dating another guy... yeah, she's got a new man.
This has happened to me twice and neither time was it an enjoyable experience. The New Man—no matter who he is or what you thought of him before (if you know him)—is now the biggest asshole, creep ball, son of a bitch to ever walk the Earth. No if and or buts. He just is. Everything sort of creepy that he ever said or you ever heard about him comes creeping into your head and all you want to do is to tell the—now old—girlfriend is: WHAT ARE YOU THINKING!!!! DO YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH BETTER I AM THAN THIS SLIME BALL!!! HE PROBABLY KILLS BABY SEALS AND I WILL GUARANTEE YOU HE WILL CHEAT ON YOU!!!!
Of course, who knows... there might be some truth, but there's also a lot of bullshit in all this. The process of rejection and choosing someone else over yourself is an interesting one since it's completely irrational.
Over time of course, this all goes away. You wish everyone luck... since odds are you've become the New Man to someone else.
However there is a flip side: every time you think you know someone, you realize that you don't know them all that well. Or at least that's been my case. The "New Man", in my experience, I've know both times. Are they bad guys? Nah. Both moved in on the Love while the Love and I still had something going on, so that's kind of like rubbing salt in the wounds since everything because so fucking obvious in retrospect, but c'est le via. Am I shocked that the former loves choose the guys they did? Of course. Why? I'm keeping that to myself, but let's say I've found the irony both times.
Showing posts with label EBS. Show all posts
Showing posts with label EBS. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Monday, September 8, 2008
Amsterdam
Amsterdam by Guster
Editor's Note: Yesterday was my birthday, and for reasons I can't tell you, I like to feel sorry for myself on my birthday. It's the one day of the year were I really just let my guard down, don't try to inspire myself with cliche quotes, and allow myself to feel like shit. This requires much reflection at the same time... so in the process of evaluating the last year of my life and figuring out what I was doing five, four, three, two, and one year ago to the day... I thought, I should honor those who have played an important role in my life/birthday in the last five years. So five posts, a song from the year I'm writing about, starting with turning 22 in 2003.
2003—22nd Birthday: The weird thing about 22 is that it's the first birthday that doesn't matter—no one cares. It's the first adult birthday. "Twenty-two? That's cool," is the response everyone gives and then moves on with life.
My 22nd was no different. But on top of it, the presents sent by my mother hadn't reached me yet—D.C. mail still sucked in the post 9/11 world. So not only did no one care it was my birthday, I also had no gifts.
So there I was, in D.C. with few true friends, present-less, and on top of I had to move across the hall to a new dorm (an uninteresting boring story). At one point, I came up to the hall only to find three people moving all my stuff from my old room to my new room. The entire situation was demoralizing for some reason—I couldn't wait for the next day.
But somewhere in this mix EBS saved the day. My first love, she found gifts for me that were perfect and meaningful and made it a birthday worth remembering. I don't remember where we ate that night, I don't even remember what we did. But I do remember her having three or four gifts for me: a picture album, Band of Brothers, and some other cute presents that she put her heart and soul into. I remember, after opening them, putting my arm around EBS, giving her a kiss, and hugging her and thanking her for being so wonderful. It was one of the first times in my life where I felt true love from someone who wasn't a family member. It was an overwheling feeling, it is a emotion that can be so overwhelming that it hurts sometimes to actually feeling. It feels wonderful, but it also exposes those times when we didn't return the love that we are being showered.
EBS knew that my family's presents hadn't reached me. By that time she knew my anxiety and neurocies—and she did all that she could to prevent them from getting the better of me on such a vanurable day. It was true, unflicable, selfless love.
I thank you EBS. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. I hope that I—at least once—made you feel the same love and did the same for you.
Editor's Note: Yesterday was my birthday, and for reasons I can't tell you, I like to feel sorry for myself on my birthday. It's the one day of the year were I really just let my guard down, don't try to inspire myself with cliche quotes, and allow myself to feel like shit. This requires much reflection at the same time... so in the process of evaluating the last year of my life and figuring out what I was doing five, four, three, two, and one year ago to the day... I thought, I should honor those who have played an important role in my life/birthday in the last five years. So five posts, a song from the year I'm writing about, starting with turning 22 in 2003.
2003—22nd Birthday: The weird thing about 22 is that it's the first birthday that doesn't matter—no one cares. It's the first adult birthday. "Twenty-two? That's cool," is the response everyone gives and then moves on with life.
My 22nd was no different. But on top of it, the presents sent by my mother hadn't reached me yet—D.C. mail still sucked in the post 9/11 world. So not only did no one care it was my birthday, I also had no gifts.
So there I was, in D.C. with few true friends, present-less, and on top of I had to move across the hall to a new dorm (an uninteresting boring story). At one point, I came up to the hall only to find three people moving all my stuff from my old room to my new room. The entire situation was demoralizing for some reason—I couldn't wait for the next day.
But somewhere in this mix EBS saved the day. My first love, she found gifts for me that were perfect and meaningful and made it a birthday worth remembering. I don't remember where we ate that night, I don't even remember what we did. But I do remember her having three or four gifts for me: a picture album, Band of Brothers, and some other cute presents that she put her heart and soul into. I remember, after opening them, putting my arm around EBS, giving her a kiss, and hugging her and thanking her for being so wonderful. It was one of the first times in my life where I felt true love from someone who wasn't a family member. It was an overwheling feeling, it is a emotion that can be so overwhelming that it hurts sometimes to actually feeling. It feels wonderful, but it also exposes those times when we didn't return the love that we are being showered.
EBS knew that my family's presents hadn't reached me. By that time she knew my anxiety and neurocies—and she did all that she could to prevent them from getting the better of me on such a vanurable day. It was true, unflicable, selfless love.
I thank you EBS. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. I hope that I—at least once—made you feel the same love and did the same for you.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Where Is My Mind?
Where Is My Mind? by Pixies
When I broke up with my first love it was a Saturday night. Nothing really seemed real for the next week or so. I don't really remember anything. It was early April, I went to work, I came home, I don't remember talking or anything... all I remember is listening to this song over and over and over and over again on my walk home from work. My entire life had changed... like that... just by breaking up with a girl.
Sure we had dated for two and a half years and a routine is formed during such a long time... and that was gone. And with the end of the routine I sort of thought I was losing my mind. Only I knew I wasn't losing my mind... it's just when you're completely and totally numb to the world, well, you sort of feel like you SHOULD be losing your mind. To me it felt natural to be listening to this song. I kept asking... "where is my mind?" What else should I be asking? What else should I be listening to? So as "Misunderstood" became my break up song with The Lou, "Where is My Mind?" because my breakup song for EBS.
The interesting thing about the breakup song is that, well, it doesn't work for anyone else ever again. For example, I tried to listen to "Where is my Mind?" when the Lou and I called it quits, but it didn't work. It didn't fit. The song was for EBS and only our break up. The same holds true for "Misunderstood". That's for the Lou and only for me getting over the Lou. It can't be applied to or for anyone else.
The song is also the closing song to the "hasn't aged very well and it hasn't even been ten years" "Fight Club". One of the better closing songs to a movie that pops into my head...
When I broke up with my first love it was a Saturday night. Nothing really seemed real for the next week or so. I don't really remember anything. It was early April, I went to work, I came home, I don't remember talking or anything... all I remember is listening to this song over and over and over and over again on my walk home from work. My entire life had changed... like that... just by breaking up with a girl.
Sure we had dated for two and a half years and a routine is formed during such a long time... and that was gone. And with the end of the routine I sort of thought I was losing my mind. Only I knew I wasn't losing my mind... it's just when you're completely and totally numb to the world, well, you sort of feel like you SHOULD be losing your mind. To me it felt natural to be listening to this song. I kept asking... "where is my mind?" What else should I be asking? What else should I be listening to? So as "Misunderstood" became my break up song with The Lou, "Where is My Mind?" because my breakup song for EBS.
The interesting thing about the breakup song is that, well, it doesn't work for anyone else ever again. For example, I tried to listen to "Where is my Mind?" when the Lou and I called it quits, but it didn't work. It didn't fit. The song was for EBS and only our break up. The same holds true for "Misunderstood". That's for the Lou and only for me getting over the Lou. It can't be applied to or for anyone else.
The song is also the closing song to the "hasn't aged very well and it hasn't even been ten years" "Fight Club". One of the better closing songs to a movie that pops into my head...
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